-Your hosts are Gorilla Monsoon & Bobby Heenan in Studio A, and Rowdy Roddy Piper in Studio B. Piper has a mannequin head and he’s drawing a mustache on it in creepy fashion.
BRUTUS “The Barber” BEEFCAKE vs. BARRY HOROWITZ
-We get pre-taped comments from women in the crowd who think Beefcake is better-looking than Rick Martel. Horowitz ducks a clothesline and pats himself on the back, but Beefcake connects the second time. Horowitz goes to the eyes and throws punches in the corner. He rakes the back too, truly making it a point to EARN the haircut, which not a lot of jobbers did. And indeed a clothesline goes wrong and Horowitz runs into a sleeper as a result, and Beefcake’s haircut looks like comeuppance for all of Horowitz’s dirty tactics.
-Piper is still drawing all over his Rick Rude effigy and it’s just extra, extra creepy.
-And now, a really curious angle. Mean Gene tells us that in a recent match, King Duggan put his crown on the line against “Macho Man” Randy Savage. So we go to clips of the match, which is unmistakably from the same “Superstars of Wrestling” taping as everything else we’re seeing. But here’s the weird thing. This match never really aired. Gene is flashing back to it like it’s something we’ve already seen. So we join the highlights in progress and the first words out of Vince’s mouth are “What a match this has been!” and neither guy is sweating, so it’s clearly about two minutes in. I’m probably more interested in this than I should be but for some reason, this major angle that was taped at their A-show taping never fully aired.
-So anyway, we’re joined at, oh, let’s say, the 26-minute mark because why not, with Duggan getting his hands on Sherri to prevent some attempted interference, but Savage knocks Duggan out cold with the loaded purse and gets the three-count, becoming the new King of the WWF. Jesse Ventura is ELATED that the crown is finally off Duggan. Savage celebrates with the crown and the cape, and this is the last time we’ll ever see Harley Race’s old stuff on TV again, and indeed, Savage throws aside the cape when it’s given to him because it’s not befitting of him. And for no reason, Savage drops a second elbow on Duggan, breaking the crown in the process. Mark Young, Tim Horner, and Paul Roma run in, but Savage takes all of them out, and then holds Duggan into position so Sherri can splash him from the top rope a few times. And bonus to Sherri for hitting top rope splashes in a cocktail dress with no bra without causing any problems for post-production.
-So we jump ahead a few minutes and Duggan is laying motionless as fans are crying, and he ends up leaving on a stretcher while Ventura says Duggan got what he deserved. Pretty good stuff, although again, I was just a total mark for the summer of King Duggan and I’m sad that it’s over.
GREG “The Hammer” VALENTINE (with Jimmy Hart) vs. JIM MACPHERSON
-MacPherson leapfrogs Valentine a few times but crashes on an attempted dropkick. He tries an Irish whip but crashes on the follow-through corner splash and appears to injure his knee. Figure four gets the submission.
-Piper refers to Garvin has “The Hands of Stone” because who’s gonna tell him not to.
DUSTY RHODES vs. DALE WOLFE
-Winner gets the rights to the name Dusty in perpetuity. Dusty’s wearing his short-lived red & yellow gear this week. My roommate says “It makes him look like he sat on pizza.”
-Chops and elbows by Big Dust. One more elbow to finish.
-Mean Gene welcomes the Brain Busters and Bobby Heenan. Recently, the Busters won a squash match and were surprised when Demolition’s music started playing after the victory. The ex-champions hit the ring, and the Busters get out of town, talking trash through the entire retreat to the locker room. Mean Gene accuses the Busters of being yellow, and Tully says it’s bad sportsmanship to challenge two guys who are tired after a hard-fought victory over tough competition. Arn says Demolition simply hasn’t earned a rematch yet, and they need to climb the ladder to prove their worth.
HAKU (with Bobby Heenan) vs. TONY DIAMOND
-Haku pokes Diamond in the eye and pushes him down. If Diamond’s smart, he’ll stay down. Hard stomps by Haku, and a running powerslam…doesn’t finish. Haku has decided he isn’t done yet. Crescent kick gets the three-count.
-The Honky Tonk Man enjoys winning matches. Hercules feels likewise.
-Thanksgiving night: The Survivor Series!
-Rowdy Roddy declares Bobby “The Massengill Man of the Year.”
RAVISHING RICK RUDE (with Bobby Heenan) vs. PAUL ROMA
-Rude attacks right away and throws Roma over the top rope. Roma no-sells, springs back in, and dropkicks Rude a few times. He goes for a Thesz press, but Rude counters it with a stungun. Rude hammers on him and we actually take a commercial break!
-We’re back with a back suplex by Rude, and Lord Alfred suspects that the referee may elect to stop the match. Rude casually rams Roma’s face into the mat a few times and then just hits the Rude Awakening for three. We sat through a commercial for that?
-Also, mildly annoying thing. Because of the current clusterfuck with Rude’s music, we actually end up missing out on an angle here. After the match, he celebrates by giving a woman from the crowd a Rude Awakening, but instead of swooning and fainting the way the women always do, she just makes a face, wipes her lip, and walks out, looking unimpressed. And there’s a payoff to that coming next week.
-The Widow Maker continues to be going nowhere. Demolition says they’re not interested in wrestling the Ragu Sisters. They only care about facing the Brain Busters and getting their belts back.
COLISEUM CORNER: ROCKERS vs. CONQUISTADORS
-From “High Flyers.” Shawn Michaels clears the ring with a dropkick. Dropkicks keep working for the Rockers. Chicanery from the Conquistadors, or as I like to it, Chiconquistery, leaves Marty with a hurt back. So they’ve got a target to work with. Suplex and some double-teaming by the Conquistadors. Double clothesline allows Marty to make the hot tag and Shawn goes to work. Fistdrop off the top, but you’ll have to buy the video to see how it turns out. It’s a Conquistadors match, nobody is waiting with bated breath to see this finish.
BUSHWHACKERS vs. BROOKLYN BRAWLER & DON CHAMP
-Luke slugs it out with the Brooklyn Brawler, or as Lord Alfred calls him, “Chris Duffy.” I can understand forgetting the name of pretty much any other jobber, but come on, you have trouble keeping track of the Brooklyn Brawler?
-Battering ram sends Brawler to the floor. Double clothesline sends Champ to the floor. Champ gets poked and bitten by Luke. Another battering ram and the double stomachbreaker end it. Man, that was just Champ’s worst week ever.
-Brother Love’s guest is Andre the Giant, who is already on the set with him, with his back to the crowd. Brother Love declares Andre the new #1 contender and he thinks Andre might be…the ultimate challenger. On cue, Andre spins around, and he suddenly has his face painted now. Bobby Heenan rechristens him The Ultimate Giant, which lasted about ten seconds.
FABULOUS ROUGEAU BROTHERS (with Jimmy Hart) vs. GARY WOLFE & TONY DURANTE
-Durante actually learns from past squash matches and just kicks Jacques’ ass when he tries to do his traditional stall & showboat at the start of the match. Raymond tags in and fakes an injury even though nothing has happened yet, and Durante takes the bait, allowing a sneak attack from Jacques. Boston crab/kneedrop combo finishes.
GORILLA: You know they’re bilingual.
BOBBY: You’re kidding!
GORILLA: That means they speak two languages.
BOBBY: Oh…I knew that.
-Koko B. Ware talks his ass off about his new entrance theme. I feel bad for Koko because this is the second time they’ve made a BFD about him having new entrance music while still just not pushing him. Akeem is here to tell us he isn’t going anywhere. Well…
HERCULES vs. AKEEM (with Slick)
-Akeem hammers Hercules in the corner, but Herc reverses an Irish whip. Big right hand, and Akeem takes a pretty good comedy bump for a guy his size as he tumbles out to the floor. Slick teases going into the ring for a fight while Akeem tries to hold him back. Akeem insists that he be the one to do the fighting, and Herc lights into him with punch after punch, but can’t quite get him in the air for a bodyslam. Akeem pounds on him but misses an avalanche. Hercules rams him into the turnbuckle over and over, then stops, and Akeem is so dazed that he keeps ramming his own head into the turnbuckles without Hercules going anything. Akeem takes a flying bump off a knee, but Slick interferes from the outside, and it’s a cheap win for Hercules. Herc gets the bodyslam he wanted earlier like it ain’t no thang. Akeem looked motivated as hell out there but it didn’t really go anywhere.
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